Judging you?

Sometimes you have to be your own worst enemy to see the bad in you that ordinarily you’re to blind to see. In order to rectify a mistake, you must first be able to identify it. Being your own worst enemy doesn’t necessarily mean you have to hate yourself, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If you can handle your own criticism, skepticism, disapproval and disappointment then you will not only become a better version of yourself, you will have the ability to disregard the negativity, condescending attitudes and invalid input from others. You only have to please yourself and the people that matter to you.
Be a stronger you, don’t let the judgment of others become a factor in your life. Your judgment and criticism is the only thing you should accept, for only you know who and what you really are.

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mum.

Other mothers,

Other mothers think they’ve got parenting down pat, they think that this is as “hard” as it gets.. They think that their baby/toddler is in the “perfect” sleeping pattern and that bath time is a breeze, they think that breakfast, lunch and dinner is done properly.. they think that they change nappies the right amount of times per day, they think that they cuddle them enough, and that they show them enough attention.. they think that their partners help them enough.. they think that they’re doing everything right because a friend of a friend has 2 kids and this is how they do it.. they think that it’s okay that their house is messy and their dirty laundry pile is so big, because the nurses say “that can be done later

Me?

I’m raising my 3rd baby, and believe me when I say that i know i have NOT got it down pat! I know that it just continues to get harder, there is always something that pops up unexpectedly.

 because we’re fucking human, we cannot prepare ourselves for the unknown! 

I know that my baby’s sleeping pattern WILL change as she grows, or just because she’s human and we change.. constantly! Bath time.. She decided her own routine for bathing (yes that’s right my month old baby decided her own bathing routine) I do NOT bathe her like the textbook from the 50’s says.. I bathed her in a baby bath at 6pm every night, she cried every time, she didn’t settle well afterwards. So I started showering with her at around 7pm (I say around 7 because let’s be honest no one is EVER spot on) and she loved it, no tears.. and settled perfectly afterwards, she loves being in the ‘big bath’ with mummy.. sometimes she even showers with daddy, because it’s nice to change things up a bit. Feeding time for us is either, her attached to my boob while I eat or fold clothes or we are sitting down watching each other like there is nothing else in the world! It doesn’t have to be a big deal to sit and feed your baby, it’s part of being human.. (you do not deserve a medal because you skipped brekky to feed her) when my older 2 were toddlers it was simple.. breakfast, either they are starving or they don’t want anything but half an hour after you’ve packed everything away you could guarantee they were hungry! And that’s totally fine, because not everyday or night is the same! Lunch time, was either a wonderful experience where I’d see my little humans brains begin to work overtime, their taste buds coming to life or they’d throw the bowl on the floor and blow raspberries in my face to give mummy a ‘food shower’ and that was perfectly fine by me, my little human was developing a personality. I never just gave up on that food, because this one time they didn’t like it..  Dinner.. same as lunch, NEXT! Sometimes, they’d like the one thing for a week straight and not eat anything else but that one thing the whole week..

Our toddlers are people, they are and will be unique stop trying to make them sheep!

When I had my first baby, i changed his nappy every hour during daylight! (most of the time he was still dry) but when my second baby arrived, i changed her after feeds unless she’d surprise me with a poo.. Or if she just felt wet.. baby number 3.. (yep you guessed it) She gets changed when needed! No-one is the same, including our little ones, just because Mary’s baby gets changed every 2 hours doesn’t mean your baby has to be!

No-one hugs their baby enough. nope, no-one! You either think you cuddle enough or you think you cuddle too much, either way.. it’s not enough! there is not enough hours in the day for the amount of hugs we should be giving.. (In 7 years from now, you’ll wish you spent more time cuddling that tiny baby) So cuddle your baby, as much as you want or can.. because he’s yours! You can NEVER pay your baby too much attention either, the more you talk to your baby, the more she’ll learn. The more you look at her, the better you’ll know her.

Daddies, hands on dads are a god send! There is nothing sexier than a man who knows his baby.. It’s wonderful to watch them together, to see the love that he has for his creation.. It’s easier on us mummies if dad is around a lot to help out with things.. But some daddies can’t be around as much, We as mothers need to encourage them to spend as much time as possible with our little one’s as possible because babies need a bond with daddies too, it helps shape the person they will become!

Daddies are just as important as mummies, duh!

WE ARE DIFFERENT!! Our children have different needs, just because your friend parents one way, doesn’t mean that’s how you should parent.. you need to find whats best for you! Because I can guarantee that you’re setting yourself up for disaster if you think because baby jack down the road, settles to music then your baby should too. MESSY HOUSE? I believe that every house does get messy, but just because someone told you to leave it for a while and pay attention to your baby doesn’t mean you should! No-one can be happy in a dirty house, it’s much more comfortable in a tidy house.. If you wash once a day then you won’t have an overwhelming pile of dirty laundry to wash,dry and fold.. kids sleep, if you do a tidy before you go to bed at night.. you’ll wake to a clean house, the kids can be put down because there isn’t scrap paper on the floor for them to choke on or last nights spaghetti hidden under the dining room table! A clean house give you more time to spend with your little one, or on your own because you can actually put baby down. (or you can live like a pig whatever)

Being a mum isn’t easy, but it’s the best job in the world! You’ve just got to roll with it.. be the mum that your kids need for today, because tomorrow they’ll need something different!

 

Dear baby tarzan,

Dear Tarzan, you are currently living in my tummy even though i never thought that anyone else would live in there, i’m quite attached to you already and my heart already beats for you, i cannot wait to meet you and kiss your tiny nose! It seems like forever away the due date, but every day your growing and that makes me so proud! You weren’t in my plan Tarzan but i already can’t imagine a life without you.

My heart already beats for you,

I will never let you down, i will never make you feel alone, i will try my hardest to be the mum you need me to be! I can’t promise to be perfect but i promise to give you 100% and to always have your best interest at heart,

You are so lucky already and you will probably never know just how lucky you really are,

You are my tiny treasure and i will cherish you until my last breath,

my wishes for you are not for you to be rich and famous, nor to be a certain kind of person.. i want you to be you, i want you to see the world your own way, i know that you will be the best possible version of yourself, you will have my attitude so you will never be knocked down, with your daddies courage you will always stand up for yourself and what you believe to be right, and with his strength even at rock bottom you will build yourself back up without a doubt in your mind.. i promise you that even when the world feels like its crumbling around you, when the skies are at their blackest you my tiny treasure will never be alone,

you are Tarzan you are brave, courageous, strong and wonderfully smart.

Tarzan i cannot wait to meet you,

love mummy xo

“Risk taking”

My stand on “risk taking”….

I’m not one for taking risks, i’m a “little fucking pussy actually” hence my last blog (tourists in our own city).. I’ve lived in this city my whole life and never even contemplated doing half the things I’ve done in the last few months… but i must say that i’m so proud of myself… but i honestly think that future hubby and i are becoming addicted to adventuring and now possibly “risk taking”… could this be a bad thing??

today future hubby and i went for our “walk” – normal, but today not only did we hike through the bush until we reached the coast line.. we clutched the fucking edge of the cliff.. we straddled boulders and climbed up and over enormous rocks we ducked and weaved under some incredibly big rocks.. we jumped knowing that at any point we could be seriously injured..but HOLY FUCK did i love it! -the pain of fear..(i have never felt pain because of fear!!!)

but i cannot wait to go and explore the world and my senses again!
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I loved the unknown,
Not knowing what was next.
Would I be okay?
Oh the feelings.
It was the best high I’ve ever had!
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The fear. The excitement.
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I fucking love “taking risks”
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I love taking them with him.
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Orgasmic, wonderful risk taking.

tourists in our own city?

today my future husband, our 6 year old and i went exploring our city & neighboring town.. i have lived here my whole life, and never done the things we done today! i was a tourist in my own city!! the morning started of like every other.. lying in bed seeing who will get up first, ’cause their making coffee.. it was i (fuck) drinking our coffee’s sitting quietly in the lounge room, both kids already fed and now snuggled watching cartoons.. (no school holiday sleep ins here) we discussed the ‘plan’ for today.. and it was settled! we were going to catch the ferry across the harbor and have lunch in ‘Stockton’ then walk along the break-wall before returning to the ferry and then home.. “sounds great”.. until it was time to get ready then our lovely hormonal teenager had a fucking melt down!! “screaming and snotting and crying and cursing”.. she didn’t want to come! okay great stay here!! we set of minus one lovely hormonal sweary teen…  we parked our car and walked, we had coffee on the harbor.. we walked to the top of the tower “my legs were jelly, my palms were sweaty and our 6 year old cred and shook the whole way up” but we did it! “I DID IT” !!!
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I was so very proud!!
But the future hubby was more prouder than anyone!!
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We waited patiently on the pontoon for the ferry.. “I’m petrified of pontoons/jetty’s and boats!!”
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But I did it, I was so scared but honestly I feel like I can do anything if he is with me!!
The ferry arrived.. We boarded it and took of “my belly churning” but with him I felt safe!!
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Good bye Newcastle, “holy shit there is no turning back now”
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We stood at the back of the ferry and got the full experience!
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It was FUCKING AWESOME!!!
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She loved it!! We all did !!!
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Yay! We’re on dry land!! Hello Stockton!!!
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We explore and laugh the hole day!!
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And the future hubby snaps every moment!!
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It was an amazing day!!
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We walked to the edge of stockton, “I loved every second of it”
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Haha I’m super sneaky!!!
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This is how we create memories!!
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I’m so glad that today we got to be tourists in our city!!
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Thanks to my future husband, I conquered my fears and I experienced our city like everyone else that lives here “finally” !!
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That was my day!!

Truth

Growing up you’re taught to tell the truth, Lying is not okay! I can’t stand deceitful people.. But to be lied to by someone you love is by far the most painful thing one could ever experience… For someone to lie about something so petty is pathetic!! Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a lie!!
Is it better to tell or lie to save your face? Well the answer is don’t do it in the first place! I’ve grown up being lied to by the people that I trust.. And believe me, once you plant the seed of doubt the tree just keeps on growing… There is nothing if there is no trust!! I don’t believe that there is anything worth lying for…

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Once you’ve lied to me, that’s it ! There are no second chances, I will forever question everything you say…

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Don’t lie.

brokenhearted..

today, my 14 year old came home from school and went straight to bed… i asked my partner why she was in bed? he said she wasn’t feeling well okay i thought, maybe it’s that time of the month? my partner checked in on her and she was laying under the blanket sobbing, absolutely bawling her freaking eyes out, not a tantrum cry like were use to this cry was pure pain..he came out and said to me “she got dumped”.. shut the front door! that painful sob, was a broken heart song… oh dear! i walked into her room and she lay still in the fetal position, sobbing.. i ask her if she’d like to talk about it? “of course she does” i lay next to her stroking her hair listening to how her first boyfriend broke her heart.. it hurt me, i literally felt a pain in my heart, i wanted to rush out and find this little fucker who had broke my girls heart, but she needed me more.. her words, “i was so close to loving him” “he really broke my heart” “will it ever get better?” … the words stabbed me in the heart, like the sword of an enemy.. she asked me about the time a boy broke my heart for the first time… “I’ve never had a boy break my heart, I’ve never been dumped..” so i did what any mother would do, i lied! i lied and made an elaborate story as to how i got my first broken heart and how i got over it and how it gets better… she stopped crying.. i told her to write him a letter and tell him what she really felt.. she did, and just like that it was as if nothing happened.. we spoke about maybe staying away from boys for now because school is more important.. i know i know she’s 14 but.. it could happen, she could forget about the male species and focus on school.. anyway it’s not because i don’t want her dating.. it’s because she could and will get hurt again.. i guess at the end of the day she will make that decision on her own, and if/when it happens again i will be there to pick up the pieces..never had my heart broken.. until today.. it broke my heart that she was so broken… it lasted all of one day.. but broken hearts suck!!!!

“step mumming it”

okay so according to google (i would say ‘Websters dictionary’ but to be honest who uses a dictionary any more?)

*anyway so according to google step mother means:

stepmother
ˈstɛpmʌðə/
noun
noun: stepmother; plural noun: stepmothers; noun: step-mother; plural noun: step-mothers
  1. a woman who is married to one’s father after the divorce of one’s parents or the death of one’s mother.
    which is fine i guess but the term “step mother” means so much more to me, i am a “stepmother” of two beautiful girls, 14 & 6 and we have a wonderful bond, I’m extremely proud of both of them, i enjoy the little things about them.. the way they giggle at rude words, or the look they give me when I’m doing something for them, the day they called me “mum” for the first time i almost fell over, i was shocked! i hadn’t intended on being called “mum” but i was so honored and proud! being their “stepmother” isn’t anything like the fairy tales or the stories you heard from your friends.. i had always envisioned a “stepmother” as an evil woman who tries to take the father away from the children.. but it’s so far from that theory it’s not funny, i would go as far as to say ‘my life at home is perfect’ don’t get me wrong there are times where i want to bury my head in the sand and forget the world exists but who doesn’t?
    i also have two “biological” children and i love them with all that i am and unless you’re a “mother” you will never understand the bond between a “mother” and her babies, my “biological” children are 6 & 3 the 6-year-old is my son, the 3-year-old is my little girl.. i love all of my children, the ones that lived in my womb and the ones who didn’t, i love them all equally and i treat them just that..
    but.. becoming a “mother” is usually a choice you make with your partner, you grow them inside you for 9 months, you pick their name, you shape who they become, you teach them to walk and talk you teach them right from wrong.. you love them from the moment you find out that their inside you right? they are yours! and as time goes on you love them more and more everyday.. but becoming a “stepmother” is completely different! it usually happens like this.. you start dating a man with one or more children, you become friends with said child/ren, things get more serious with this new man and you start helping him with the child/ren, you become “stepmum”.. well here’s how i started “stepmumming it”
    i fell in love with a wonderful man, who just happened to be an amazing father of two, i became friends with his children yes, but i fell in love with them just as much as i did him, i felt a bond between the girls and i as strong as the bond between me and my “biological” children, maybe even stronger.. i never wanted to be a “stepmum” and i definitely never wanted to replace anyone.. i just wanted to give the girls the love and affection adoration and support they deserved, and i guess that’s how I became “stepmum”..
    people say that “step parents” are better than “biological” parents, because “step parents” choose to love…
    but i think that’s WRONG! i am no better than any “biological” parent, i did NOT choose to love my “step children”
    i fell in love them and their father, because of who they were.. I’m helping shape the women they turn into, I’m holding secrets for them and I’m teaching them how to be them, I’m encouraging and guiding them, supporting and loving them, I’m doing what every other “mother” does..
    they decided to make me their “stepmum” i just honored their decision…

2015 bucket list..

Sleep under the stars, (I’ve always wanted to do this)

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Carve something in a tree with him (little girl fantasy)

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Kiss in the rain (every girl wants this)

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Start a blog (I’m wasting to much paper)

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Get a finger tattoo (just cause its cute)

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Conquer a few fears (growing up)

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A big hair change (every year right?)

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Leave lyric post its all around the city (it’s just awesome)

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Finding love.

Finding love, can be the hardest task of all.. But what if it came and knocked at your door?!
Well that’s basically what happened to me.. Here’s how I found love!

I’d had a brilliant morning with my then best friend ‘k’ the kids were at school and with their dads, so for the first time in months we treated ourselves, we went out for coffee and breakfast,tanning and shopping, we went to the local adult store, we had lunch at the club.. We had made a pact.. To turn our phones off and have a ‘mumday’ and let me tell ya, it was fantastic! But the day was coming to an end.. The kids would be home from school soon, we headed back home.. We tried our new clothes on and put on a little ‘runway show’ still no phones .. But of course we needed to take photo’s and post them on Facebook… I’m uploading our photos to Facebook and I see that I’ve got a message and a friend request.. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!! It’s the ex husband of a girlfriend of mine.. I didn’t Like him, although I had never been around him enough to say that, I’d heard stories.. and obviously took my girlfriends side!
What could he possibly want? His message was about his little girl-the one he shares with my girlfriend.. Anyway he was extremely well spoken and was answering a question I had asked a mutual friend… Basically just being a good daddy.. Until, “you look awesome in your profile picture” oh dear haha, smiling from ear to ear.. He thinks I’m attractive!!
So I reply .. (Duh)
Anyway I also compliment him on his looks.. Very casually though.. (Meanwhile I’m drooling over my phone).. We continue chatting, about our kids mainly.. Then he invites me and my little boy on a picnic with him and his little girl .. (Our kids are bestfriends already)
I give him my phone number and pretend my Internet is crashing so we need to text.. I agree to the play date, and continue to text him all afternoon.. All night.. Oh my god I’m falling for him, just from text messages?! What the heck is wrong with me?!!
I can’t get him of my mind?!!
This continues until the morning of the play date.. VOMIT!! I’m so nervous I’m vomiting, I’m shaking.. I call my brother who is ‘friends with said ex hubby of my mate!!
Begging him to come along!!
Ta-da I’m at the play date! Alongside me is , my brother and ‘k’ and her son & obviously mine. .
I’m so nervous, he is so perfect!!
His so handsome and gentle, well spoken and well presented.. Oh my my heart is racing.. I’m sitting next to him , he smells so good!!
Timehop.. We are leaving.. He asks for a cuddle, YES PLEASE!?! Mmmm I breathe him in.. (Don’t want to breathe him out)
Get home and I’m jumping up and down!! Oh my god!!!
He calls me, we are talking absolute crap about everything.. Finally get of the phone.. I need him! I want him! Urrgghh!!
We continue the text and phone calls for days … This is really nice..
We meet up late one afternoon with our little ones, for a walk along the beach… Holding hands.. Oh my!!
We sit and watch our tiny versions of us run and jump along the sea side.. And then leans in for a kiss.. Oh shit!! Our first kiss?!
The best kiss of my life!!!
Leaving was hard, I wanted to stay sitting on the beach kissing this perfect man!
Again we continue the texts and phone calls.. we are now dating?!
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! and he is so god damn amazing!!!
We are organizing our first sleep over..
OH DEAR!!
I decide to leave my little one with my mum whilst I have my first sleepover at my BOYFRIENDS!!

I’m here.. His face – I can’t explain it does something to me deep inside…
We go shopping.. We hold hands and walk around proud of each other…
Drinking on the balcony, deep and meaningful conversations.. And its now raining, we don’t care we are so caught up in this amazing bond..
He leans down and that’s when it happened..
HE KISSED ME IN THE RAIN! THE FREAKING RAIN!!!
that’s it any tiny bit of doubt went out the window, I’m his now forever and always!!
Need I add, that bed followed shortly after that!! (Honestly overwhelming! Sex isn’t overwhelming right?)

Anyway I am now living with this man, who just happens to be my future husband! I am the happiest I have ever been!!

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Love is hard to find but when it finds you, I promise it will be the most amazing most intoxicating thing you will ever experience!!